Its Friday and the only reason to stay home until 10pm is a bunch of oiled up men grabbling and groping each other. Thats right its not gay porn...its WWE Smackdown! I want to know who the classic maker of turkeys is. Of course we still in North Carolina cuz this shit was taped on Tuesday.
Oh god I forgot its the Vickie and Edge wedding tonight... HELP!!! Maybe I SHOULD go to the bar. Highlights of these two shitheads and their love open the show. Its funny how obvious it is that Edge is grossed out by kissing Vickie.
Earlier today in the wedding... Chavo fakes out that he lost the ring. Big drink of beer for me. They are now married already and tonights the reception. La Familia is official and Ive never seen a wedding dress look so.. whats the words Im looking for? WHITE AND HUGE! Chavos best man speech is making me suicidal. Ill toast the bride and groom until Im hammered cuz this is aweful. Edge says Vickie loves her "action in more ways than one" I just threw up in my mouth. Hornswaggles music hits...more vomit.
Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Ryder and Hawkins in tuxedos w/ Special guest referee Edge.. Edge throws the Shilaylay into the crowd and here we go. Foley claims he cant tell whose Hawkins and whose Ryder cuz of the tuxedos hahaha. Then he uses the phrase "me so horney" for Hornswaggle. Edge spears Finlay and The Edgeguys pin him its over. Throw this match away it sucked.. Now Edge and Vickie dance for the first time as a wedded couple with live singers. Dont even boo this shit just ignore it live crowd! HAHAHA Big Show interupts the dance and cuts in on Edge. Edge gets pissed and Show has a match next...
Kovlov with unecessary music, The Great Khali, MVP and Shelton Benjamin vs. Big Show... Handicapped match as in you have to be retarded to enjoy it. Shelton starts off and Im gonna go on a limb and say Show will win this one. Shows getting pummeled after the bell rings to end the match, for God knows what reason. Khali gives a treelike chokeslam (?? JR) and no winner is declared whatsoever. Was this even supposed to be a match? Another waste of time, I have a feeling at 10 I wont need to go to the bar.
-This show is off to a VERY BAD start after the first quarter!
Now Vickie is in the ring... "Excuse ME!!" She has the wrong kind of heat.. the kind where people just dont even want to see/hear her at all. Oh great its time to throw her bouquet. Michelle McCool gets tossed for attacking FemAnvil. Vickie throws it and no one catches it but Cherry grabs it. Which apparently means we get a Cherry vs. Natalya match for it. I just thought of this... no wheelchair Vickie?? Cherry has huge hits!! Nattie sharpshooter.. Nattie wins. Then Vickie starts a match against Cherry and instantly pins her. GAY GAY GAY!!
Jimmy Wang Yang fresh off the wellness suspension vs. new and flashier heel Spanky I mean Brian Kendrick. He has a brickwall looking black man bodyguard named Ezekial. The wedding party eats... Kendrick with no shorts and longer hair. Decent match with Kendrick going for submission holds... I love Yang he flies beautifully. Ezekial gives Spanky the advantage as he does a nice flippy thingy ddt for the win. Then puts his gay flashy coat back on (THAT HAS CLAW MARKS IN THE BACK!)
Mr. Kennedy getting major pops as he calls for it. I swear him and Jeff Hardy are the future.
Kennedy vs. Umaga - Umaga (jobber to the stars) uses his power game nicely but Kennedy is back to not being lazy in the ring. Umaga controls most of the match. Can his Samoan spike be considered deadly if no one has died from it? Boring nerve hold from Umaga...Kennedy takes a nap mid ring, but he does that shaking power thing to make sure he doesnt get a three count by being passed out.. but Umaga takes control right back. Great more nerve holding... Finally Kennedy offense after a failed headbut by Umaga.. then an enziguri-like roundhouse. But the Samoan spike gets Mr. Kennedy. Umaga wins.. damn that was a good match for what it was.
Edge is the new Slim Jim spokesman... the company just must have a thing for rasslers. OOOOOHHHH YEAH!!! The commercial is wretched!
John Morrison and That guy from The Real World on MTV vs. Jesse and Festus... YESSSS!!! FESTUS!!! One of the best tag teams taking on a tag team with John Morrison this match should be fun. Oh lord the bell rang and Festus is ready to kill someone but Jesse starts off against Morrison. Festus gets tagged in quickly and does a Kane like chop to the neck.. I wonder why? HAHA! The Miz is more retarded than Festus...and a bore to watch in the ring. Can you believe Festus is only 24? Seriously not kidding. Great match until Miz does his little reality check thingy for the win after Festus kills Morrison on the outside. Damn shame here. Miz is about as good as cold can of beefaroni, I wish he was still wearing that rodeo clown outfit.
More Raw highlights cuz ya didnt get enough of those during ECW. At least its only once during this show...I think. Again attempted murder and no mention of Cena's condition on this show.
Theres the mention.. he avoided disaster and is a lucky man. Thanks JR..pffff!
Its North Carolina... so here we go with a badass match.. At least this wedding reception shit has toned down finally.
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy and they come out at the same time...WTF? They throw the wedding cake on Chavo. HE somehow miraculously gets no cake on him though... This better be better than the last time these two hooked up. Jeff didnt want to wrestle Matt and he was higher than Amy Winehouse so the match sucked. This should be somewhat decent though. Jeffs wearing his green wetsuit tonight with his tripp jeans. He hits a whisper in the wind and Jeff takes control early, but you know this will be back and forth. If they didnt have a tag match that was later in the night in which they win I would think these guys are starting to not like each other... ouch missed swanton. Matt moonsault then La Familia comes out to be retarded and ruin what woulda been an awesome match. Edge spears both brothers and theres still 22 minutes left of the show. La Familia stands in the ring raised arms and now I know im doing shots at the bar. Commercial... thank god Im PISSED!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ACTUAL WRESTLING ON THESE SHOWS!!! TOO MUCH BS!!
Heres more wedding shit... more boos and a waste of time. The middle of the show was so good why ruin it now!!!??
Edge feels shit in the cockals of his heart for Vickie...Cockals que Beavis and Butthead. huhuhuh hehehe... Highlight video of this shit angle and more Edge looking grossed out when kissing Vickie. I hope the rating for this hits ECW level cuz the beginning and ending of this shit is the worst thing I've ever seen on a wrestling show period. Give me Taskmaster, give me Glacier something... give me Buff Bagwell... Oh well we get HHH interupting with a wedding gift.
Gift one: Edge with the wedding planner on a retarded homevideo putting his mack on. He smells the wedding planner and calls it "angels harmonizing on a dewy morning". Then complains of his "trapazoid" muscle hahaha. She rubs it and he complains "its getting stiffer".... Edge gets pissed sends La Familia after HHH
Gift two: Sledge Hammer - stops La Familia.. back to gift one.
Edge was told to shop at Layne Bryant for fat girl gear hahahahha! Ok this has gotten better.
Gift Three: The grey fat woman granny panties Vickie wears.
Edge makes out with the wedding planner and is officially a cheating bastard... nice it did get better THANK GOD THIS WAS ROUGH!!
Second time in two weeks Smackdown ends with Vickie screaming/crying
Post show thoughts: It started off horrible but in the end I give this show a C +. The matches werent awful... and the end got funny.
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