Raw is good at making the champ look weak

Its Monday and time for our favorite 2 hours of ridiculousness... Will the Mcmahons restore order to Raw? Who knows? Damn these oiled up men in tights!

Batista doesnt know how to take highlights from the productions truck as we open, cuz Kanes just a silly character...

Michael Cole is not the same as JR...

Batista promo that gets interupted by JBL on the titantron of all idiots. JBL claims Batista is in charge of nothing. JBL claims hes special and he is.. in that handicapped millionare kind of way. JBL wants the next world title match and Batista disagrees with that. JBL calls himself the boss and the one in charge of Raw. JBL wants to take his torch back and claims his body isnt ready for it, seeing his physique I agree. CM Punk has had enough promo he comes out to the ring. He calls himself the king of the jungle and dont care what JBL has to say. Punk challenges Batista for his title tonight.. JBL is pissing off everyone as he whines. Punk vs. Teest tonight! Nauce.


Lance Cade makes a mockery of Shawn Michaels' music as he enters the ring. Cade promo rips Shawn apart. He tells him to come to the ring so they can have "words" words they shoulda had a long time ago... Paul London and his Reebok pumps hit the ring. Someones jobbing to Cade.. Same big shorts and same no push London... Trevor Murdock is at home crying right now. Simple win for Cade of course... Thats what Paul London gets for thinking its late 2006. Cade then introduces Jimmy Jack Jericho to the ring when calling out Shawn Michaels. Commercial break...

Jericho wants Shawn and is showing footage of why Shawn Michaels might be done with wrestling HAHAHA!! A broken back doesnt stop HBK. But an eye boo boo will? Looks like the match last night was a bloody mess literally. Jericho blames the fans for his anger towards HBK, saying Shawn came out just to fight for the fans regardless of his own injuries. Shawn is paying for his sins or some crap like that. Love this Jericho heel turn! Detached retina huh, looks like HBK is all done ummm no. Jericho berrates the fans for not backing him since he came back and matured. Jericho considers himself saved now. Jesus might have something to say about that... ANOTHER COMMERCIAL JESUS CHRIST!! SAVE ME!!

Kelly Kelly comes to the ring in her assless chaps.. Bonerfest. She is taking on Beth Phoenix carrying her no title above her head. This one is so over... WOW Kelly Kelly is learning her craft but the Glamazon wont take that.. fairly easy win for Beth Phoenix who is very hot for her size and stature.

We now got Hacksaw in his civial clothes... he mentions he might retire. A great 30 year run? What was so great about it? That music video... Hey he survived kidney cancer thats something. Apparently Rhodes and Dibiase knocked some sense into old Duggan. Lawler interupts Mr. U-S-A... and claims theres no age limit in the WWE. Duggans all smiles this week... so much more than the pain he felt last week, Lawler insures that Duggan aint going anywhere... here comes the Simply Priceless guys to verbally attack the sad teddy bear Duggan again. They tell Lawler to hang it up too and Rhodse explains that when Duggan won the first royal rumble he was 2 and a half years old. Lawler smacks Rhodes and we have a bruhaha. Looks like a Duggan, Lawler and Rhodes, Dibiase angle is brewing. JBLs music hits and a six man tag rematch from last week is coming.

JBL, Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase vs. John Cena and Cryme Tyme.. Anyone who has a coat with a picture of themselves that covers that entire back of it cant be that bad. John Cena comes to the ring and realizes hes stuck on the mid-upper card now... about time. Cena and JBL start us off.. big pops for Superman then instant tag to Cody Rhodes. The faces control the match early until Ted Dibiase makes a move and tags in JBL. Jibble needs a bra... tags in Rhodes and lots of trash talking from the heels. Holy shit Dibiase actually has to spend time in the ring... he doesnt look too bad either. STILL punt to JTGs midsection from Rhodes, ouch! Decent back and forth match that culminates in Cena kicking JBLs ass when the finally get in the ring together. JBL runs away in the crowd, Cena double F.U. this ones over. CTC wins and they are indeed an oreo cookie when Cena stands in between the two Cryme Tyme guys.

Backstage segment where Cade and Jericho bump into Kane... just awkward stares while Kane carries his little baggy of mask or whatever.

Mickie James is now heading to the ring for an intergender match... I hate these things. Kofi Kingston and Mickie James vs. Paul Birchill and Katie Lea... What the women can wrestle the men in this one. About time they changed that rule. Women start out with Mickie James being super intense.. damn these two are hot. Damn Kofi can leap. This match is exciting and way better than expected. Birchill and Lea win a surprise victory.

Jaime Noble is still hitting on Layla when Batista approaches and asks if hes seen Kane. Batista is not taking Nobles smart redneck mouth when Noble tells him to go do some dumbells flys or something. He really wants to see Kane.

Highlights of the Great American Bash too bad i heard that crap was awful...

Punk now interviewed by Grisham.. Punk claims if he goes down and loses the belt. Hell do it going down swinging. JBL interupts and continues to call Punk a transitional champion and Punk claims hes already beaten him and thats in the history books. What kind of history book has fake sports in them?

Santinos the next out to wrestle... whose he wrestling (I mean losing to) this week the San Diego Chicken? Either way this should be funny. Whose gonna be "deaf meat" this week? Santino doesnt fight people with phalopean tubes so this week he demands an open challenge with a man. HOLY SHIT!!! D-LO Brown is back!! He looks the same as he always has. Beth Phoenix is now coming to the ring too... weird shit. Im down with the Broawn but poor Santinos character is getting ruined. Solid frogsplash ends it for D-Lo...oh the lo down. Beth Phoenix gets in the ring and hovers over our favorite fake italian... Beth and Santino wrestle a little bit before they break it up and start kissing each other!!! YES!!! Then they awkwardly walk away looking back at each other as they try to figure it out. SWEET!! Santino alone is a reason to watch this shit.

Main Event time: C.M. Punk vs. Batista... Before Punk even gets to the ring Kane comes in to clean Bastistas clock.. Batista having walked through miles inside a pit of danger is not hurt and Kane takes off. Punk comes down ref asks if Dave can continue... then the match happens which leads to a cluster fuck of JBL and Cena getting involved. I think we have too many main event run ins these days. C.M. Punk can't even get one win since holding the belt thats sad. I still find it funny that wherever the world heavyweight title goes, so does Batista. I wonder if hes ever even had a match for the WWE title.

This weeks Raw grade: B (The main event did nothing for me, but Santino and the rest of the show wasnt bad)